In the 90’s when I was exposed to this type of training I discovered that while on the academic and professional front I could navigate my way, on the ontological and self-expression front I could use some help.
For example, I always spoke in a low voice and that was my comfort zone. To my surprise I learned that having been raised by domineering and aggressive parents; I developed a sensitivity to anything that resembled that, including raised voices! Therefore, talking in a low voice was my way of not dominating others, and this was a pay off for me at the cost of my own self-expression. A real eye opener for me.
In another session of training one of our exercises was to interact with complete strangers and establish a conversation and a connection about the topic of our choice. In doing this exercise we realized what we were capable of. The exercise also helped us to acknowledge that our fears have no basis and in fact most of the limitations we felt were self-imposed.
At the conclusion of training we each were asked by the coach to stand up and make a declaration about our self-worth, in front of the class and to the whole world. We were expected to speak loud and clear, and with 100% conviction. It was empowering and truly an emotional experience to watch and to hear the declaration of each person including myself saying: I am part of the grand design of life!
The main principles of the teachings are:
1. Self-expression is an intention and involves speaking and acting together.
2. We should express ourselves in a way that frees the best in others.
• Speak clearly and loudly
• Don’t seek approval
• Be unafraid of being judged by others
• Show your emotions
• Allow yourself to be vulnerable
• Don’t care to be always right
• Dare to say no, and, accept no for an answer
I wish trainings of this nature were mandatory in the formal education system to enable people to have self-awareness, to practice more empathy for themselves and others, and to become empowered in creating a better future.
I found this all by myself but before that I had been a tall person with a quiet voice trying to be invisible... But only for half a century!
ReplyDeleteHi Caroline,
DeleteIt seems to me that we do need to go through a process before having the breakthrough!
Thank you for sharing your thoughts.
I have had a loud voice ever since I came to America. Before being in Malaysia, I conformed to the status quo...women should be soft spoken, demure and no eye contact. Who knew that eye contact was a bad thing but even until today, I am found to be intimidating in my home country because now I communicate with eye contact and speak clearly and with conviction. Coming to America and being around Americans have shown me to not care what people think. I realized at some point during my college years that no matter what I do, someone is always going to disapprove. Pardon the expression but you are "damned if you do, and damned if you don't" You could say I found my voice in America and I always say what I mean and do what I say. I am brutally honest and expect it from everyone around me. My family in Malaysia are intimidated by me as a result...especially the men. But it is too late...I can only be this way and appreciate the voice that I have found. Thanks again for another insightful article!
ReplyDeleteVery interesting. I have lived in that part of the world and other similar countries, and you are so right about what you have said. Unfortunately education never addresses these issues.
DeleteThank you so much for sharing.
I don't know if it is education or cultural. I think it is a combination of both and some how, cultural is always stronger. You may have the most educated woman in an asian country but she has to conform to the cultural norm otherwise she is not respected or acknowledged. The good news is that it HAS changed and women are able to be almost equals as their male counterparts. I don't think they will ever receive equals status as men in Asian societies. I wonder if women have achieved that in this country. I think women in America have really gotten close though :O) IBM's CEO is a woman and the controversy about her being admitted to the all male member of the Augusta National Golf Club makes me wonder sometimes.
ReplyDeletehttp://womensissues.about.com/b/2012/04/06/will-ibm-ceo-rometty-be-the-first-woman-admitted-to-augusta.htm
"cause and effect", right? We search and find that something that happened in our childhood that made us find a way to survive. But then with lack of the right education, that certain behavior gets fixated in us and we follow it subconsciously till we become conscious of it one day, right?
ReplyDeleteMy parents taught me to talk clearly and confidently, voice my opinion and stand up for myself but then the rest of the society, unfortunately suppressed my abilities and planted that shyness in me and I dare say, many others.
Now we live in a different culture and face different problems of its own. Wouldn't it be nice if we had that kind of training in our school agenda. Instead we go ahead and eliminate science and power of free thinking. 2012 and we are not quite with it yet, even in one of the most advanced countries on earth (which I love, btw and care for a lot).
The good thing is that Ontological Design training classes are always available here. It is very exciting to learn new things about ourselves all the time and I like the challenge of it. However, you are right that social and cultural factors impact our self-expression greatly.
DeleteThank you so much for sharing your thoughts. I appreciate it.