Is my language effective?

08/25/1993, Baton Rouge, Louisiana

I was in a wonderful workshop in Baton Rouge this weekend which was about Ontological Design referring to  the capacity for each of us to design our "way of being" in the world.

The premise of training was that humans are linguistic beings and language can generate because it is an action.  We create our identities and our realities by our linguistic acts which are based on 1) a set of assumptions that we have learned, and 2) the history of the interactions we have had with others.

Ancient religions believed that each person is divided into body, speech, and mind, and speech shaped the world.  That is why we should always uphold the truth.

The coach believed that we can alter our identities and realities by standing in new distinctions and by being committed to THE effectiveness of our language.  We will then be able to create changes in the ways we observe, perceive, interpret, and talk about things so that it is powerful and empowering.

The big question for me was how much of my languaging had produced effective results in my life?  I knew that I needed to learn new linguistic distinctions in order to be able to make new interpretations of my breakdowns in life and I needed to have new sets of options for responding to those breakdowns.

Some of the distinctions that I learned and are close to my heart are as follows:

• I can only say I have integrity if I do as I say and as I promise.
• Keeping my promises is a commitment to myself.
• I have a racket if I keep complaining about other people and making them wrong, and if I am always upset about something.

• I am an effective listener if I can think of other people's words as a contribution, and believe that complete attention is love.  I should also listen not only to the words but more to the concerns being addressed by the speaker

• I can share because I believe sharing is access to good feelings in the heart
• I can shift who I am by shifting my commitment from having an answer, to living in the question.

I loved the training :-)

Set them free

07/04/1989, Jakarta, Indonesia

Today my daughter came home with her close friend.  Her friend was visibly shaken and emotional.  They both came to me and my daughter asked me if I could talk with her friend and help her feel better.

Her friend's story like most teenagers was about her boyfriend's lack of sensitivity and attention to her, and their possible separation.  I told her that:

• You can not expect him to think and to behave exactly like you
• You must realize that you do not possess him and like wise no one can possess you
• The beauty of a relationship is to be able to love and care for each other as if there is no keeping or controlling
• Jealousy and negativity do not help a relationship

They were both listening with deep interest and were seemingly much more relaxed.  I then read them a paragraph from a book that I was reading and it was so close to my heart.  The book was "ONE" written by one of my favorite writers Richard Bach.

"When you love someone, when you know they're ready to learn and grow, you set them free.  How could you learn, how could you feel your experiences if you knew I was there, a shield between you and your choices".

Am I resisting something?

06/10/1991, Los Angeles, California

When I am disturbed or under stress I challenge myself with a few questions:

Am I resisting something in my mind?
Am I labeling something as good or bad?
Do I resent something because it is against what I believe?
Do I wish to change something but I can't?

I have learned that:

Our resistance is the operation of our ego which blocks our acceptance
Our resistance to any form of life force brings us suffering
Our resentment and resistance is an obstacle to connecting to our joy

I choose to do the following:

Let go of my resistance and my holding on to myself and my stories and beliefs
Accept what is and open to the teachings of the moment
Meet the challenges of life and learn to soften and open

I take a deep breath and I feel the joy of life again.

It works!

Nothing to hang on to

10/20/1982, New Delhi, India

I am in New Delhi for briefing with WHO and taking up my new assignment to Indonesia.  Unfortunately my children are not with me and are expected to join a few weeks later.  I have anxiety over this and I am longing to be with them.  At the same time I am facinated by India, by the challenges ahead of me, and by the new world that I have stepped into.

While in New Delhi and in my spare time I started to explore the book stores.  By doing that for the first time I came across Buddha's teachings which ended up helping me tremendously in staying grounded during this very challenging period.
I learned that:

• Buddhism is a philosophy, a way of thinking and not a religion
• The teachings have one goal and that is to realize the capacity to be happier, wiser and clearer
• Buddha is a title: one who is awake to the highest reality
• Buddha said my teaching has only one flavour: Liberation
• He saw that ceasing of craving stops the cycle of bitrth, death and suffering
• After realizing this all his craving stopped and he became total luminous, clarity - Buddha

According to the teaching:

• Nothing is eternal
• Nothing is always pleasureable
• There is nothing to be afraid of or to protect
• There is nothing to hang on to
• The cause of suffering is clinging, craving, and desier
• Change is synonymous with life
• Wisdom is constantly seeing the things as they really are

The realization of teachings which of course is much more than what I have written here, gave me a sense of freedom and a sense of compassion for myself and others.  I felt empowered to stand firm and to face life's challenges.  This was the beginning of my awareness journey and after that other teachers and teachings followed one after the other.

Best of all, my children joined me after eight long weeks :-)

The eye of Spirit

08/12/1991, Jakarta, Indonesia

We are waiting in the hall of a movie theater and from a distance I can see that a man is trying to say something to others using hand signals.  A friend who knew the person told me that this guy has given up talking on purpose.  He is fasting by not talking for a while.  For him this is a spiritual practice which requires tremendous patience and tempering of his urgency to react to whatever people say, and to pass judgments.  A tragic event in his life has made him do this regularly.  He then said: this man has learned to view everything and everyone with the eye of spirit.

I learned a great lesson today.

Feeling Connected

03/10/1991, Jakarta, Indonesia

Today one of my colleagues who is here for a short-term assignment was expressing her concern about the war.  While listening to what she had to say I was remembering the history books about the empires that were created and later destroyed, and wars that had started and stopped.  I told her not to worry, hopefully one day all human beings will realize and embrace their own living connections to other beings.

Looking to be loved?

03/03/1991, Jakarta, Indonesia

I am sitting on the couch looking at the straight line of the smoke rising from a petchouli stick burning in a jar on my table.  The music is Angel Love of Aeholia bringing the waves of peace and "let go" to my mind.  The fragrance of petchouli reassuring me of presence of warmth and love all around me.

Just a while ago hearing a love song hit my mind and triggered my sad memories. Sad because I keep falling into the trap of my own illusions about love.

I remind myself that if we are looking to see whether we are loved or not, in that instant it is impossible for us to love.  One should not expect love but be the source of love.

Isness

08/22/1990, Calgary, Canada

I hear Nature breathing,
deeply and eagerly
the cold breeze sweeping the clear mountain
the sun, generously warm,
spreading the laughter of light
the blue sky holding back the restless clouds
allowing the grass and the trees to dance with joy
Nature just is,
and in its isness
it is the source of life
we, unable to be,
are struggling to become