2013 for me began with a long anticipated surgical procedure
in mid-January which required for me to be under anesthesia in excess of five
hours. I was very anxious about this, knowing that anxiety and distress of mind
is caused by fear of danger. However, I also knew of other surgical procedures
that require longer hours of anesthesia from which patients safely recover.
A few days before surgery I opened the book of Hafiz who is
one of the great Persian poets of more than seven centuries ago. Many people
around the world believe that his words signify reception of spiritual wisdom.
He was known as Tongue of the Hidden and Teller of Secrets. The book* that I
was using was an English translation of some of his poems. The following short
poem entitled “Until” was on the
page that I opened and read as follows:
“I think we are frightened every
Moment of our lives
Until we
Know
Him”
I felt a sense of immediate relief and conviction that all
is well and my anxiety diminished a great deal. Fascinated by his words of
wisdom I continued to read the next pages and I came across another poem
entitled “I learned so much” which
astounded me. How could he have these thoughts seven or more centuries ago? The
poem read as follows:
“I
Have
Learned
So much from God
That I can no longer
Call
Myself
A Christian, a Hindu, a Muslim,
A Buddha, a Jew.
The Truth has shared so much of Itself
With me
That I can no longer call myself
A man, a woman, an angel,
Or even pure soul.
Love has
Befriended Hafiz so completely
It has turned to ash
And freed
Me
Of every concept and image
My mind has ever known”
The collection of poems of Hafiz known as Divan is found in
the homes of most people in Iran
as well as elsewhere in the world, most of whom, learn his poems by heart. My own
father was able to recite most of his poems. The tomb of Hafiz is in Shiraz – Iran
surrounded by a garden of roses and it is documented that the Mausoleum or
Shrine was designed by a French archaeologist and architect.
 |
| The tomb of Hafiz |
February was the month of physical and emotional healing for
me. I had to be patient with the pain and restoration process of my surgery. In
addition to medical remedies, I tried to tap into my own inner resources to
heal and to feel better. I believe that the healing force is within us and
using my professional nursing skills I helped myself to regain health and to
become whole again.
At the same time I was planning for the Persian New Year and
the spring celebrations in March. I was excited that my son who lives in Louisiana was going to join me and my daughter in Phoenix and we were going
to have a wonderful time together. Alas, to my total disappointment he informed
us that he is not able to come. My reaction was total devastation and emotional
breakdown. I was heart broken and could not find the strength to gain my
emotional balance.
I was surprised at myself and alarmed by my own
disproportionate desperateness and the way that I reacted. I was feeling
helpless. It suddenly dawned on me that I needed to evaluate my own spiritual
strengths and to find out more about who I am in order to be able to help
myself. I decided to draft a short questionnaire and use it as a self-test. The
questions were as follows:
- Am I relying on others for my happiness?
- Am I fighting the fact instead of dealing with it?
- Do I have the ability to accept what I can not change?
- Am I clinging to what I want?
- Am I pursuing things outside of myself instead of looking within?
- Is this the vanity of my ego?
My goal was to see things as they really are in order to learn
about my weaknesses in dealing with the situation at hand. The test results
were an eye opener for me and I realized that my knowledge and awareness, when
it comes to real life situations, is at the theoretical level and I can not
apply the knowledge right away. I needed to expand my learning to an applicable
level by practicing and doing what I know. I also needed a support group from
whom I could get the essential feedback on my path of learning.
I know that I have to work hard and I have a long road ahead
of me but I feel that I must do that if I want the joyous life that I deserve.
My journey continues and I am still learning to relax in the
present and to welcome, learn from, and make the best of whatever that comes my
way. As Hugh Prather once said:
“Your life is not in advance of you. You are not pushing a
cart; you are riding one. This means that you may not only trust your life as a
whole, you may also trust every instant of it. It really is safe to be happy
now”.
_____________________________
* The Gift, Poems by Hafiz the Great Sufi Master, Translated
by Daniel Ladinsky, 1999.
