My Life in Short Stories: 8. Connecting with Joy

Poinsettia Flower

It is December, the end of the year and the time for traditional celebrations. The above painting was done by my dear sister in law Marie and I am sharing it here in the spirit of the season to wish everyone Merry Christmas and happy 2013.

My brother and Marie, with their beloved dog Tatiana

This picture was taken when I visited them in Calgary in 1990.

1992 - 1995
Dhaka, Bangladesh

It was 1992 and I had just started a new assignment with the World Health Organization in Bangladesh. The country is in South Asia bordered by India and Burma/Myanmar. Bangladesh was formerly known as East Pakistan and after independence endured famine, natural disasters, widespread poverty, and political turmoil. Our project was about health manpower development aiming at lowering the high maternal and infant mortality rates. I was stationed in Dhaka, the capital city.

River and transportation boats in Dhaka

Lalbagh Fort in Dhaka 17th century

From the very beginning of my assignment I felt depressed and totally unprepared to witness or deal with the poverty and the suffering that was going on around me. I was so distraught that in the second week of my stay in Dhaka I called my life coach in California and asked him to talk to me and help me regain my emotional balance. He listened to me patiently while I was crying and trying hard to express my feelings. Finally, when I calmed down, he said “ask yourself why you are in Bangladesh, and when you come up with a true answer try to embrace and accept that answer.” He emphasized the importance of acceptance and he reminded me that every life situation has a lot to teach us. He left me with a lot of thoughts and ideas to ponder.

A fruit market in Dhaka

On those very same days I came across the books and teachings of Pema Chodron who talks about a whole new way of looking at suffering and the ways to connect with the joy in our heart. She says “acknowledging the preciousness of each day is a good way to live, a good way to reconnect with our basic joy. You are here to realize your kinship with all humanity and to learn that you have a share in whatever everyone else has and is.”

Lichees in Dhaka, only in the month of June

Pondering on what I was reminded of by my teachers, encouraged me to pay more attention to the things I could cherish, appreciate, and see as good instead of hanging on to sorrow and sadness. I joined a meditation group of expatriates in Dhaka and I let my mind rest in its natural state by practicing regularly. Working with a devoted group of Bangladeshi nurses, midwives, and doctors became my central focus and my professional joy. I was witnessing the group members’ progress and productivity as we embarked on the journey of strategic planning. I could see and feel their concern and love for their country as they learned with interest and curiosity and worked hard every day and for long hours. As a result a long-term plan of action was produced and resources were secured for its implementation and evaluation. I also visited other parts of the country and I came to enjoy and appreciate the simplicity of life, the culture and the natural beauties of Bangladesh.

The working group

My Bangladeshi colleagues

Throughout my stay in Bangladesh I used my vacation time to visit my sisters whom I had not seen for a long time. At one time my son and I traveled to Marbella, Spain to visit my younger sister Farimah and her husband who lived there. We were seeing each other after a long period of separation following the Islamic revolution in Iran.

With my younger sister in Marbella, Spain

With my son and my sister in Marbella, Spain

My sister with her beloved Cat 

In my second trip to Spain in 1994 my other younger sister Azar also joined us from Luxembourg and the three of us had a wonderful time together. I still remember her as the little girl who was holding my mother’s hand when they came to my school to see me for the first time. Both sisters have a special place in my heart and are a source of joy in my life.

My younger sister who joined us from Luxembourg 

I also visited Kathmandu  Nepal and I never forget the view of Himalayas from the plane and the country’s beautiful sceneries and Hindu temples. Since our regional office was in New Delhi I got the chance to visit India a few times. The country is fascinating and there is a lot to explore and to enjoy.

The watching eyes in Kathmandu

Colorful Spices in Kathmandu

A beautiful scenery in Kathmandu

My WHO family in New Delhi , India

In 1995 my assignment in Bangladesh came to an end and I joined my children in the United States of America. In the same year my daughter graduated from the university with a Business degree and I had the chance to attend her graduation.

My daughter's graduation

I went back to Indonesia during 1997 and 1998 for short-term assignments but the last time I was there I witnessed the start of an Islamic revolution much like the one we went through in Iran and they had to evacuate us for safety reasons. That was the end of my international service.



To be continued……

My Life in Short Stories: 7. I Am a Survivor

Indonesia
1986 - 1992

The plane was about to land in Sydney, Australia and looking from the window I could see the beautiful city lights and the fascinating sight of the Opera House. I was on a one week assignment on behalf of WHO to discuss and negotiate a graduate education program for the nurses who were going to graduate from the University of Indonesia. I was excited about the purpose of my trip and also to see Australia for the first time which is a four-hour flight from Jakarta.

The Opera House in Sydney, Australia

On that day I was very much pre-occupied with a health concern because right before leaving I had come across a hot and sensitive spot in my left breast during a routine self-examination which I performed regularly. I had not yet informed my doctor about it and I was planning to do so when I returned to Indonesia.

Coastal Scenery of Australia

I went to see my doctor right away after completion of my assignment in Australia and he agreed that the spot looks and feels suspicious but he will not know for sure until they use the frozen section method for pathological studies during surgery and reach to a conclusion. He also needed my consent to surgically remove the left breast while I was still under anesthesia in case the pathology results indicated cancer.

It is still so difficult to talk about my feelings after all these years, but I remember that I was devastated and I did not know how to deal with what I had just heard. I was wondering how to tell the news to my daughter who was at home and to my son who was far away from me in the United States. No other relatives around me. I didn't have much time to ponder on this however as the cancer could spread rapidly. I finally talked to my family and friends and went ahead with my doctor’s plan. When I opened my eyes after surgery I found out that I have been diagnosed with breast cancer and they had to do a Mastectomy of my left breast.

The good news was that the cancer was localized and had not spread at all. I had a zero stage breast cancer and my early detection through regular self-examinations had paid off. I did not need to do chemotherapy but I did however need radiation treatments in order to deter the proliferation of local cancer cells.

My WHO Family

My WHO Family

I had to go to Europe all by myself to continue the treatment procedures that were not available to me in Indonesia at that time. Going through breast cancer was one of the most difficult experiences of my life both physically and emotionally and to have to leave my daughter behind and face this next phase alone, was quite devastating. I have never forgotten those cold and snowy nights in London where it was already dark at 4 pm and I had to walk back and forth to the hospital for my radiotherapy sessions. Moreover, I had to deal with my skin irritations due to side effects of radiations but I was grateful that my situation wasn't worse and a big consolation was that I will not lose my hair after radiotherapy.

Thankfully, with the support and the resources that were available to me on those days, everything went well and I can gladly say that I am a breast cancer survivor. I also would like to add here that surviving breast cancer is not just about beating the disease; it is about recovering from the physical and emotional toll that the experience takes on you and it is learning to feel whole and complete again. Yes I am permanently scarred and yes it still hurts to remember the experience, but my regular self-examination led to early detection and saved my life. For that, I will eternally be grateful.

Later in the year I attended the Canadian Nursing Convention in Ottawa I had the opportunity to meet Martha E. Rogers the American nurse researcher, theorist and author of many books including “An Introduction to the Theoretical Basis of Nursing” and also the concept of Unitary Health Care. In that same convention I had the pleasure of meeting Sister Callista Roy the American nurse theorist, writer, researcher and teacher who developed conceptual models in nursing including the Adaptation Model.

With Martha E. Rogers

With Sister Callista Roy

I was very excited about the first batch of nurses who graduated from the University of Indonesia in 1988 because this was one of the key expected outcomes of collaboration between the Government of Indonesia and the World Health Organization. A number of graduates were going to be sent for graduate education and to come back and serve the country as teachers and managers. This was unprecedented.

First Batch of Graduates

In 1988 my son who was studying in the United States graduated from Tulane University with an engineering degree and my daughter and I were able to travel to New Orleans and attend his graduation.

In New Orleans

My son's graduation

In 1989 in a WHO inter-country consultation in Thailand I had the pleasure of meeting and working with nurse leaders and educators from Thailand. I also had the opportunity to visit the country and learn about the people and their fascinating culture and traditions.

Inter-country Consultation in Thailand

In a famous temple in Bangkok, Thailand

A Buddhist temple from outside

In the Buddhist Temple

In Chiang Mai Thailand

In the mean time I had to go through another separation in my life, this time from my daughter who graduated from high school and left for the United States in 1989. While in the USA, my children had the opportunity to reunite with their father 10 years after having said good-bye to him in Iran. He was finally given permission to leave the country and was able to see his now 20 year old daughter, and 25 year old son. I only wish I could have been there to witness the moment when they first laid eyes on each other. I was later told by my daughter that there was of course a lot of tears and long lapses of just sitting and staring at each other, trying to take it all in and find ways to make up for the 10 years that were lost.

My Daughter's Graduation

In 1991 I had a reunion of my own when my younger half- sister from my mother’s side came to Indonesia to visit me. We had a wonderful time travelling to Bali and Malaysia together and I had no idea then, that this would be the last time I would see her. The political unrest and changes in Iran had taken a huge toll on her and her family, so she was under a lot of stress and was in too much emotional pain to pay attention to the ailments her body was facing.

My Sister Shirin

Alas, we lost her to breast cancer and stress diabetes in May 2005, neither of which the rest of us knew about until it was too late. It was almost as though she just no longer wanted to be here.

To be continued….

My Life in Short Stories: 6. Beautiful Indonesia

1982-1985

In October 1982 my children were finally able to leave Iran and join me in Indonesia. In my mind and in conversations with my friends and colleagues, I had repeatedly envisioned their arrival and what would follow when they were safely in my arms and care. My plans covered a range of activities starting with preparation for their schooling followed by taking every opportunity to embark on a journey to explore and to enjoy the country. We had so much to do and so much to be grateful for.

Indonesian Nature

Indonesian Beaches

Indonesia is an archipelago comprised of a cluster of 17,508 islands, of which, 6000 are inhabited. The country’s population was estimated as 237.6 millions in 2010 coming from 300 ethnic groups. We were stationed in Jakarta the capital city, and the availability of Jakarta International School (JIS) was extremely valuable for the children’s education. They were admitted to the school and placed in appropriate grades based on a credential evaluation. They didn't lose any credits since they attended a similar bilingual school in Tehran which was tragically shut down after the revolution.

Jakarta - Indonesia

While situating them at the school, I was also aware of their need for emotional healing for what they went through in Iran including their recent separation from their father as well as their home country. I requested the school counselor to support the children in this respect in the process of their education.

We were blessed to have the support of the Indonesian community, the Iranian expatriates, and of course my WHO community. We were advised to create jobs for the local people so we enlisted the services of a driver, a gardener, a cook, and two helpers. They helped us with everything and some of them were live-ins. They were considered our extended family.

Indonesian, Iranian, and Thai Friends

Iranian Friends

Iranian Friends

Wedding of a friend's son

Indonesian Colleagues

Indonesian and Thai Colleagues

We loved Indonesia and we were fascinated with the kindness of the Indonesian people, the culture, the history, the art forms and performances, the cuisine, and the breath-taking sceneries and natural beauties of the country. We quickly picked up the Indonesian language which is rather easy to learn because it does not conjugate in the past or present. You simply time stamp your present-tense statement by attaching a “yesterday” or “tomorrow” to it for example. The locals were pleasantly surprised when we spoke in their native tongue and bargained with them at the markets. This is a culturally expected interaction when shopping.

We visited the Borobudur temple in central Java which according to available information was built in the 9th century and abandoned in the 14th century after the decline of Buddhist and Hindu kingdoms in Java and conversion of Javanese people to Islam. However, the monument is a shrine as well as a place for pilgrimage. Once a year during the full moon in May or June, Buddhists visit the temple and observe the Vesak day in commemoration of the birth and death of Buddha and the day is a national holiday in Indonesia. The Borobudur temple is preserved through several restorations and the monument is listed as a UNESCO World Heritage Site.

Prambanan near Borobudur 

With Children in Borobudur Temple

Borobudur Temple

We visited Bali Island which is surrounded by coral reefs and beautiful beaches. Bali is considered one of world’s best islands, ranked second after Greece. It is known for its diverse and sophisticated art forms such as painting, sculpture, wood carving, handcrafts and performing arts. We enjoyed the Balinese dances and sacred rituals such as Barong dance and the extra ordinary art of Wayang Kulit or shadow puppets with a Gamelan orchestra. Gamelan is percussion orchestra music and it represents a native art form. We loved the music and we learned that people consider it sacred and believe that it has supernatural power.

Hindu Temple in Bali

Bali Temple

Shadow Puppet Show

Wood Carving of Bali

 My job as a WHO nurse educator working with the Ministry of Health, the Indonesian nurses, the medical professionals and the University of Indonesia in Jakarta was extremely productive and rewarding and I feel blessed to have had the opportunity to work in Indonesia. At one time, in a ceremony where the nursing profession was being honored by the president of Indonesia, I got the opportunity to meet with President Suharto in his presidential palace.

With President Suharto

At Presidential Palace

On another occasion I joined my Indonesian colleagues to visit the Irian Jaya province, presently called West Papua, which refers to the whole of the Indonesian portion of New Guinea. The province is the largest eastern province of Indonesia and is six hours by plane from Jakarta. We had the opportunity to visit a health center and to talk with the local communities. At one of the local huts we saw a one hundred year old mummified corpse in a sitting position and we were told that he was the oldest and the most senior member of the family and his body was preserved based on family traditions. According to literature, deliberate mummification is a feature of several ancient cultures.

West Papua (Irian Jaya)

A Mummified Corpse

A Souvenir Picture 

Wood Carving of West Papua

For summer vacation we could not visit Iran given the political unrest there so we went to France and spent several wonderful summer vacations there as well. We had the opportunity to expand our horizons and to become exposed to various cultures which to this day, I find invaluable.

Two years flew by and soon it was time for my son to graduate from high school. He was accepted at Tulane University in New Orleans, Louisiana and left Indonesia in 1984. In addition to getting used to my son's absence, the year ahead came with many trials and tribulations but I had no idea then that one of the hurdles I would have to overcome, would be life threatening.



To be continued….